View post (Critique my first songs and lyrics!)

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randallnm
New Member
Joined: 03/20/03
Posts: 2
randallnm
New Member
Joined: 03/20/03
Posts: 2
03/20/2003 7:13 am
Hello,

I'm nick, I'm 17, and here are my first tries at songwriting. Here they are:

http://www.mp3.com/nickrandall

or http://www.nowhereradio.com/nickrandall
or http://www.garageband.com/artist/nickrandall

please rip them to shreds and let me know what you think! The endings got cut off, and there is a tape hiss, so I apologize for that.

Here are the lyrics:
Snow Would Melt. words and music by Nick Randall.Copyright2002.

I wish the snow would melt but then we all might drown
We could build a boat and sail it on the sea.
Try our best to make promises
For a new society

Built a fire on a mountaintop
So we could see the country lines
But waves erased the latitudes
That governed our Design

On this rock, let the waters rise
As we all are climbing down
It's a terrible compromise,
It's freezing again, and starting to snow.

Building houses from the things we've got:
Some shoelace and some string.
Shingles made from credit cards
And other fancy things.

Gather food while playing war,
It's a shady game of cards.
No more TV and gasolene,
But it's not too late to start.

On this rock, let the waters rise
As we all are climbing down
It's a terrible compromise,
It's freezing again, and starting to snow.

Some of us will swim away
and others still will drown.
Some of us will try to stay,
But bury our promises in the ground.

Heaven's city lights (the only lights we have),
Cast illuminated darkness on the shore.
Constellations are memories
Of being here before.

On this rock, let the waters rise
As we all are climbing down
It's a terrible compromise,
It's freezing again, and starting to snow.

rip these to shreds too. Thanks!




[Edited by randallnm on 03-20-2003 at 11:46 PM]