Hi johns33031,

I second all of the above suggestions.

As a teacher, I see the "death grip" frequently - and try to help my students unlearn the tendency to work way too hard to create a chord.

True, if your guitar itself is difficult to play due to high action, then nothing but a death grip will give you the tone you are looking for.

But assuming your guitar is in good shape, it comes down to stabilizing the instrument (the strap suggestion), and becoming meditatively mindful of all of the places where you are holding excess tension: the fingers, the palm, the wrist, the forearm, the shoulders. The breath - are you breathing with ease while playing, or are you holding your breath?

Also, spend some time experimenting with fretting a single note, and see how LITTLE muscular effort you can put into it, and still get good tone. That is the sweet spot. With mindful practice, your hands and upper body will learn that they really don't have to work as hard as they thought they did. 

Have fun - you're on the right track! - Lisa