Hi Caponi
i'm not in your shoes and never have been,but my son who is 24 has mental health issues and over the past 2 months has tried to take his own life on numerous occassions,I don't understand why he wants to do this but your description of everything being grey is not something I have come across in talking to him,he just wants to stop being in this life,although in my opinion he has so much to live for if he could apply his self and focus on all that is good in his life which I try to do every day,never less all my encouragement on his guitar playing skills among other skills that he possesses fall on deaf ears it seems.
i don't know how to get through to him,that I don't want to find him dead and I fear that I will find him dead,it is not something that a parent wants to go through.
please find it in yourself to seek help wherever you can find it,I can't make my son go to doctors or health professionals all I can do as a parent is try to guide my son to be the person I know he can be with what help we as a family provide but it is up to the individual to take the help that is being offered.
please take any help that is offered to you and find peace for yourself
derek r