heartbroken

Well this is open discussion, and since I've posted next to nothing about my personal life since I started here, I thought I'd give a little now.

I broke up with my girlfriend of 16 months tonight. Well... 9 months. Before that we were just good friends. It was a mutual decision that we made because there had been a lot of problems the past while. It hurts. I thought I'd tell you guys for two reasons, 1) As fellow guitarists I'm interested in hearing how the instrument helps you through tough times, and 2) well to be honest I don't have anyone I can tell about it right now and typing seems to help.

Thank god I have a passion for something that can provide some sort of relief from this bs. How do you guys feel the guitar helps you out emotionally?

Oh and btw... what do you think is the better type of music to play when you're sad- blues, or a dreary minor-based peice. I'm going with the minor-based...

i know how you feel man.
i once fell in love with a girl. she was both beutiful AND smart. we were both wild so we did some pretty wild things together for about a year. however, every time i tried to make her achnoledge me in public she refused. i remember lying on the grass with her one sunny day and a fried of mine came up and called me:"Yo Fox! why are you smiling like that?" and then he saw her and said:"O..." in knowing tone. man, she slapped him so hard she sent him rolling twice before falling on his face. :) anyway she left me and i was sad for a while but as they say there are many fish in the sea and i got over it.
my guitar did help me i used the minors because i don't like blues.

Personally i opt for the blues. D minor. I dunno, it just helps ease the pain...

Personally i like to write my own song. It seams when i'm sad i can write a really good peice, a real meaningful peice.:(

Yeh, when i write a piece when i'm sad the music sounds real good, but i can never seem to come up with any good original lyrics to fit...

I guess you gotta get a singer sad to find some lyrics to fit your peice, emotions really do bring out the meaning in your songs
When i'm hyped i write really metally tunes big riffs and thick solos
When i'm sad i write meaningfull tunes that just speak to you in that way you know..?
When i'm tired i just go to sleep....?
When I'm bored i kinda put together an unusual piece kinda punky blues style things
When i'm scared i'm make bad ass creepy tunes
yeah and so on and so on

If I write a blues piece while the mood is on me, it comes out sooo busted-up that no-one wants to hear it. I save the blues for later, when I've got some perspective. Remember, the blues is music you listen to to help you get over bad times.

When I'm actually up to my butt in the deep, dark, brown stuff, I write slow minor-key 'movie theme' stuff, and I put as much power into it as I can muster. I'm trying to compensate for something that made me feel small and unworthy, right?

Yeh, i know what you mean. I don't actually write blues stuff when i'm depressed, i just mess about with it. Like you said, it helps you get over things. Actually, i dont write blues stuff at all. Just play the odd bit every now and then to get me through.

Originally posted by James
Well this is open discussion, and since I've posted next to nothing about my personal life since I started here, I thought I'd give a little now.

I broke up with my girlfriend of 16 months tonight. Well... 9 months. Before that we were just good friends. It was a mutual decision that we made because there had been a lot of problems the past while. It hurts. I thought I'd tell you guys for two reasons, 1) As fellow guitarists I'm interested in hearing how the instrument helps you through tough times, and 2) well to be honest I don't have anyone I can tell about it right now and typing seems to help.

Thank god I have a passion for something that can provide some sort of relief from this bs. How do you guys feel the guitar helps you out emotionally?

Oh and btw... what do you think is the better type of music to play when you're sad- blues, or a dreary minor-based peice. I'm going with the minor-based...

I know how you feel James, and it's never easy. To say that we can all submerge ourselves in the guitar when something like this happens, well that's sugarcoating it if you ask me. However, the guitar does bring us much relief in times like this. Because it's great coordination, where we are workng both hands at the same time, and the only thing we are focusing on is finishing that composition, or nailing tha final part in a guitar solo.

Playing the guitar has always been a great form of therapy for me, but it doesn't solve all of our problems. The thing is, with relationships, if you don't understand why things ended between you and your woman, your future relationships will suffer as a result. You have to find a way to maintain a friendship with this girl to try and understand why things didn't work out, and so there will be no hard feelings on b0th sides.

James, anyone who ever said being in a good relationship was easy has obviously never been in a good relationship. The hardest thing after a break up is trying to stay close friends, but it's the only way to heal your soul. You have to stare this right down the barrell, and then you'll once again be able to feel confident with your music and towards the future.

Like I said, break ups are a bitch. But we all survive one way or another!

-Joseph

unfortunatley we all know this feeling
in the last year i had a very big crash on a girl who is one of the most wanted and pretiest girl in the whole town
of course being me i didnt have any chance with her, especialy when she already had a boyfriend + 2000000 another guys waiting for them to break up so they'll be able to get here..
so i come home everyday from school deppresed as hell, and all ive done for few weeks is playing the guitar everytime i was sad. by the end i spent about 5-6 hours everyday with the guitar, i probably would be lost without playing the guitar in these days..
this is when i got the real passion for guitar playing
and i must say guitar is the best cure for any depression, even though its like drinking or taking drugs because its quite running away from problems

Well, this past July I broke up with a woman I'd been seeing for about four years. We'd allready had a couple of break ups, and spent six months apart while she was in China. We were both eachother's first for just about anything and everything, and to be honest, I couldn't put a finger on why exactly I broke up with her, I just knew I had to. In the months since I've learned that deep down, she never really understood me and that she needed me more than was really healthy. Our relationship crushed under the weight of my doubts and from her using me as a crutch.

Since then I've had some rough nights, spent a lot of time alone, but recently have found new hope. Now I'm about to make a disclosure that would make me feel like a total idiot if it weren't for the fact that I didn't care:
::clears throat::
I feel in love with someone I met online (remember my trip to DC a couple of months ago?).
Yes, you can kick my ass if you happen to run across me.

Anyway, this leads to all kinds of new frustrations; I'm not lonely, but damn it, I miss her and she lives about 800 miles away from me, so I can't just go see her. But we're lucky that our relationship had always been about talking and total honesty, so missing the act of holding her isn't as big a deal as it could be.
But damn, I miss seeing her smile... and the way she can make her mouth go diagonal when she's talking to someone on the phone and doesn't like the discussion, or when her computer is doing something bogus... And a million other things.
I think you all know the drill.

So here are my various methods of coping with assorted emotional trauma:

• Bass (big suprise, huh?)
  


• Writing music
  


• I've been writing a lot of poetry/lyrics lately.
  


• about once every month or so, I like to drink myself into a stupor and listen to every Morphine album end to end atleast once. This is the "Don't Try it at Home" part. Though any good Morphine album makes for great therapy.
  


• I also listen to a lot of Tom Waits and Gin Blossoms when I'm really missing Tiana. ex: "Once this girl, she was mine/ For such a sort time/ We used to spend every night/ Now all I do is cry"
  

I reccomend all of the above but the alcohol. And to be honest, my drinking has slown down a lot since I got back from DC. I'd rather miss somebody than feel lonely I guess.

Stratman, images of This is SPinal Tap come back "This is in d minor, which I feel is the saddest of all keys" "It's called lick my luv pump", he he he.
By the way Rask, if you listen to Tom Waits, an appropriate song might be Shoreleave, from the album "Swordfishtrombones". It's about a guy a million miles away from his gal, very cool.

what i like to play around with is dm, am, em, g/b, fm7.
Yup, playing guitar does relax and sooth a troubled mind. I have turned to my guitar for comfort a few times in the past couple years, but never for breaking up with a girl. I only turn to people/things for comfort when something happens that strikes my emotions like a glass bottle against the face. You know what I mean, stuff like when friends of yours die for various assorted reasons. (suicide is the worst :() Another sound I have been playing with lately is like:
e-3-3-3-3-
b-3-3-3-3-
g-2-0-0-0-
d-2-2-0-2-
a---2-2-3-
e---0-3-0-
along with a few other chords that I can never remember their names (who would name something am7sus4/g#m anyways?)

The point of this lesson in therapy is that there is no emotional stress that you can experience that will not make you stronger and a better person provided that you don't break...and if you do succumb to the trial then you can always make more beautiful music than you did before.

Just a word of encouragement from a once broken man.

I don't know about playing the guitar to make you feel better, I always say that ****ing her best friend helps, it does'nt solve anything or even make you feel better about things, it really annoys the **** out of her though!!!!! Be careful though guys, a friend of mine left his wife for one of her friends and left his beloved Rickenbacker at home...... you guessed it when he went to collect it, it nearly fit into a match box....... what an evil bitch!!!!

yeh, i knew id heard it somewhere before

wasn't it in Eminor? I disticntly remember him saying something like "it's Eminor, it makes poeple just wanna weep"... anyway that wasn't the point of this post...

I totally feel for ya ponyone (which i really shoulnd't do, cos i dont really know ya, or even if what you say is tru, but still it resonates something with me)... forgive me for being a liberal who holds onto his steroetype, but I mean, the impression we get is that, like in your situation in the US someone would have pulled a gun, am I right in thinking this? .. I'm glad you've met someone else, but I feel so bad that you had to drop out of school just because of the poeple there... I mean if you planed on doing so before, fine... Anyway, I'm out of school now, and in my year of limbo between school and uni (I hope)... If was in your shoes(which I'm glad I wasn't) I would have been totally lost... I mean, I'm coloured, and I dont think that would have helped in the town your describing ... Sorry this really really pisses me off... Yeah, rape is something extremely serious, but you got no defense against a false acusation, especailly "attemped rape", anyway, why am I talking about this...
Good luck man!

[Edited by educatedfilm on 12-17-2001 at 05:18 PM]

Pony: that sounds like something that happend to a good friend of mine... only a bit more out there. You delt with it better too. He ended up spending a long while drunk, then hooked up with a chick who has three kids by three different fathers who's been living as much as possible off of welfare for many years now, then sired the fourth child... All who know his new woman are giving six months to a year before she leaves him for some other guy and lets him pay some more of her bills. Just like her last few guys.
I swear, his heart is a lot bigger than his brain.

So what I was initially thinking was you should find the song "Lyin' Ass Bitch" by Fishbone, but your situation is WAY beyond that. It's good to hear you're moving on though.

Bardsley: Well, my "old" Tom Waits tunes were "Better off Without a Wife," "Nighthawk Postcards From Easy Street," and "Warm Beer and Cold Women." My "new" one is "Nobody" (though I think it may be a cover). I really have to say that Nighthawks at the Diner is a kick ass album.

Chin chin james.. a double whisky for you. the guitar has many faces, more than me... my guitar has tried to cut my throat before.. the black lead on a wardrobe handle... very scary...

Memories of trauma added to the gutted feeling of losing a bed partner... has spurned more life in me than ever... a bit of poison now and again keeps the jib cut fresh...

Now I'm sailing thru with 4 girls, one for sex. one for chatting... one to be miserable with and the other is a potential...

I aint getting bogged down with any emotional goings on with the females for a while... 22 is too young to bother trying. I hate failing.. perfection is...

You get the idea...? keep the XX types in check and the mental tigers at bay.

Its impossible to get involved with a girl wihtout getting emotionally involved unless you have no relationship with her whatsoever, and in that case you have to be with a really stupid girl for her not to see through your selfish motivations. Girls are not objects to be sorted and used as you just described. Trust me, grow up a bit and life will be much happier.

umm.. i like playin around wif chords like...

e___0_0_1______________
B_______3_3____________
G_2_3_2_2_3_5_3_2_0_0_2
D_3_5_5_0_3___5_3_____3
A_5_5_4___1_____0_4_5_5
E_____________3________


And why? ... i dunno! *LOL*

:)

-=[Azrael]=-