First off, welcome to GT, although I'm really new to this site as well. I hope this time around becomes a breakthrough for you in playing music. First, let me say, that I think I may have the world's smallest fingers for a guitarist (I'm male), and I've been rocking for 6 years now, not that it hasnt been a rough ride in the beginning.
I was taught on my history teacher's acoustic guitar, but I never owned one at the time. Barre chords were my biggest weakness for the longest time, and still are on heavier gauge strings on an acoustic. To this day, I still cant fully barre that "F" major chord on heavier gauge acoustic strings.
By the way, I think the chord he was talking about is this:
---------1-------------
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---------1-------------
Let me tell you right now, that if you're fingers are anything like mine, perhaps you shouldnt worry about the heavier guage strings, as they will discourage your progress. I dont personally think it's a big deal to use light gauge strings on an acoustic instead of the "normal" heavier ones. That's just my opinion. ;)
You asked the best way to "grip" the instrument for barre chords, what I do is have the upper 1/3 of my thumb placed just below the middle of the back of the neck, it helps with pressure.
I dont believe there's a guitarist alive that hasnt dealt with what you are. Big hands or small hands, its a little tough at first.