shadow of a dream (soft original)

This is a soft song that we wrote a couple of days ago

sorry if its off at times

we need to redo the vocals

hope you enjoy
http://www.soundclick.com/bands/songInfo.cfm?bandID=761213&songID=5883031

I don't know where to begin. I hope you can take what I have to say. I really like the song, but (yes there it is "But"), the playing was off time and I believe out of key at times. The singing was fair, but it too was a little off key. This can all be corrected with a little more practice.

The worst thing I thought was the lead or riffs during the singing. I don't know, but I think it was drowning out the vocal. While the singing is going on I would play only rythme and maybe a little soft background lead. But it should not over power the vocalist. Riffs should be played only during a pause in the vocal, not during it. If you want to do a guitar lick, you should make it a solo, no singing. You may be trying something different, but I don't think it's working.

I do think the song (medley and lyrics) is good. Probably could use a little polishing, but over all I liked it.

I liked somethings and others i didn't really like. The overall writing was descent it was the chorus that i really didn't like it seems to unoriginal and the part> Living in the shadow of this dream i think you should substitute this dream for my dream or even a dream. nice writing but you should think of a calmer main riff during the vocal passages