New one

Registered User
Joined: 01/26/05
Posts: 191
Registered User
Joined: 01/26/05
Posts: 191
05/26/2007 6:50 am
Hey Guys got a new one. Not the same idea as the others I posted before this one a bit more down to earth. Hope you like it. If not feel free to tell me, I'd really like feed back since I don't really want to show anything to people I know.


No title yet, it's saved as "Losing the Race"

All the horses at their gates
drink their jockeys start the race
cool spring air and nerves on fire
now descend into the mire

Down black holes on spiral stairs
[into] sound that rips and sneers and tears
[a] sea of heads that float about
[and] drown themselves to shut you out

Meet a face forget the name
just enough to stop the pain
alien thoughts cloud the frame
as open windows taunt the lame

check your compass make a call
nothing now can stop your fall
a line of light that leads the way
your saving grace your legs betray

Back into the black night air
stop to see that no ones there
collect your thoughts and turn around
retrieve someone you haven't found

burning sticks and clouds of dust
taste like dirt but calm your lust
search again you cannot see
a face that looks like it is free

finally find a familiar face
and start the end run of the race
you see her and are only stunned
she chooses you and points her gun

a fatal flaw? did she lie?
should you not have even tried
you stumble blind across the line
and a broken heart is all you find
# 1
Registered User
Joined: 06/27/06
Posts: 108
Registered User
Joined: 06/27/06
Posts: 108
05/26/2007 11:17 am
wow, man i really like it, i has a great feel to it... i guess thats how you say it, i think its great, and i look forward to seeing more of your stuff dude. :D
No snowflake in an avalanche ever feels responsible.
# 2

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