Maybe I should clarify what I meant when I said "dying young is the way to go."

I don't want to get old and watch people I know and admire die. I don't want to realize there are things I can't do anymore, or things I missed the opportunity for. I don't want to ever feel like the clock is ticking and I'm almost out of time. The thing is, I already feel all of those things.

I'm 17 right now. That's almost 20. If I live to 80 (which I think is a pretty safe estimate), that means a quarter of my life has gone by. A whole quarter! I think to myself "I've been alive for almost two decades now," and my only response is "Bull****. Check the numbers again, you added something wrong." If 17 years go by that quickly, so will the rest.

And yeah, I know the rest of my life is going to be drastically different than this last bit has been, but that doesn't make me feel any better. It just makes me think "so what was the point in all this, then?"

If I truly wanted to be dead, I'd just kill myself. Frankly, I prefer to be living. I just don't want to watch everything I know and believe in crumble. That's all.