I kind of agree... the first verse is very good. I liked it alot. Work on that second verse a little and you should have a nice little tune though!!! I liked the imagry in the first verse... it just kind of dissappeared in the second... kind of like it was forced...

It sounds a tad forced to me because of lines like

"for i shed no tears and i have no fears"
and
"how can this be so beautiful?"

They just seem quite stock compared to your stellar first verse.