Originally Posted by: iiholly"waffle ice cream cones, just rambling"
You should add more lines like that. It may not make sense to the reader but implies you're letting something personal out. Don't be so vague.
Word.
Yes.
I also liked "she gasps again, begins to mew" because 'mew' is a strange word I don't see very much. It really helps one imagine things when you put words like that in.