Hunter60 starts a story


hunter60
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hunter60
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11/22/2006 1:55 am
Well, I don't want to miss out on the fun. Here's the very start of a new piece I'm working on. It's not complete and I wouldn't post the finished one because it'll be too long. I don't want to waste the space or the time of you fine folks. This is the first draft (actually my notes for the story) so ignore grammar and spelling. I'm just too lazy to clean it up tonight. I've got to get in their and practice a little guitar. :)

_________________________________________________________________


Charlie Rojik had a problem. And not a television sitcom sort of problem that can be solved in twenty-two minutes by a smiling, wise-cracking Dad in a mutli-colored sweater with a wise, chin-stroking platitude while tossing the football in the backyard. Nor was it the sort of problem that would wind up with him beaten, bruised and standing in a long line wearing prison orange. Well, not unless things went horribly wrong.

No. Charlie Rojik was in love. Again.

At thirty-three, Charlie had been in love precisely ten times; each time with a beautiful, talented, smart, stylish and fantastically built woman. Every one was perfect. Flawless examples of the thing, that one wonderful thing, that makes life worth living. And each and every one was the wife of another man. And number eleven was the same with one striking difference, thus the problem that faced Charlie that morning as he sat, squat and uninspired, in his little cubicle. Yes, he had indeed fallen in love with the wife of another man. Only this time, she had stepped from the fantasy and smack dab into the middle of his life. She had become real. She had moved from behind the shade of fantasy and flirtation, that little game that he played successfully for years to protect himself, and had taken form. It wasnā€™t supposed to be this way.

She wanted him.

He shook his head and tried to ignore the problem, playing ostrich. ā€˜If I ignore this, itā€™ll resolve itself. It always doesā€¦ā€™ he thought to himself. It was this coping technique that had served him well throughout his life. He ignored his fathers constant badgering to play football. Eventually his father quit asking. Since he could not decide what to major in college, he ignored the SATā€™s and eventually his grades until the decision was made for him and he found himself sitting in a Community College classroom a month after graduating high school. He ignored his high school sweethearts, at first, veiled, and later, blatant, attempts to garner a commitment from him. She too eventually went away, married an orthodontist and now spends her days raising children in an upscale neighborhood. He ignored any thoughts of upward mobility and found himself now somewhat comfortable in this little cubicle, pushing papers from one side of his desk to another. It was a position barely above entry-level but it provided a living wage and for Charlie Rojik, that was good enough.

As he contemplated this, Cheryl sauntered by his cubicle, gave him a long look and a wink. Immediately, Charlieā€™s problem was back and very real.

It had all been a game; nothing more than a harmless game of flirtation in the office. Nothing serious. But she had come to take his attention seriously. She told him things. Things about her husband, their lives together and how that togetherness was coming apart as they went along. She told him how she had never met a man she could talk to like Charlie. She went as far as to suggest dinners after work and thinly disguised ā€˜chanceā€™ meetings on the weekends. It had taken on a life of itā€™s own, this thing he created.

Throwing his attention into a huge, tedious file, Charlie tried to focus and force the day to pass quickly.

It didnā€™t.


Larry popped onto the stool next to Charlie and motioned for a drink. ā€œWhatā€™s with you? You look horrible.ā€
Charlie smiled weakly. ā€œIā€™m in trouble.ā€
ā€œNow what?ā€ The irritation in Larryā€™s voice was unmistakable. Having been Charlieā€™s best friend since they were in the third grade, Larry had been there for most of Charlieā€™s mistakes, miscues and idiotic moves.
ā€œIā€™m in love.ā€
Larry took a long pull from his beer and offered ā€œWell call in the National Guard. Oh yeah, I can see where that might make you look like youā€™re trying to swallow an egg.ā€
ā€œNo man, Iā€™m serious. I think Iā€™m in love.ā€
ā€œAnd?ā€
Charlie rubbed his hands over his scalp, ā€œAnd nothing.ā€
ā€œIt is a woman right? Or a man. I mean, it is 2006 and all that. Whatever. I mean, itā€™s not a sofa or a sea bass or something, right?ā€
ā€œYes, itā€™s a woman. A woman in my office. Cheryl. I think you met her last year at the ballgame.ā€
Larry thought for a moment and said ā€œNaw, I donā€™t think so. Whatever. So whatā€™s the problem? You really enjoy this womanā€¦I donā€™t see the downsideā€¦oh wait a second. Let me guess, you did it again, didnā€™t you? Youā€™ve fallen for a married woman and now you donā€™t know how youā€™ll live with out her but you canā€™t have her ā€¦blah, blah, blah. Am I right?ā€
Charlie turned towards Larry. ā€œThe problem is that she wants me.ā€
ā€œOh for crying out loud. Youā€™re quite the little science project, arenā€™t you? Tell me, do you have a team of therapists living in your basement or something?ā€
Charlie motioned for another round. ā€œNo. Iā€™ve got you for therapy.ā€
ā€œWell,ā€ Larry shook his head, ā€œIf thatā€™s the case, I am going to start charging you.ā€
[FONT=Tahoma]"All I can do is be me ... whoever that is". Bob Dylan [/FONT]
# 1
Tonja_Renee
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Tonja_Renee
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11/22/2006 2:39 am
Well that wasn't what I was expecting... and that is just totally not nice of you to tease with a story like that.. and knowing its not finished.. you aren't going to post the finished story.

But I was definately interested...
Great works are performed, not by strength, but by perseverance.
# 2
hunter60
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hunter60
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11/22/2006 2:49 am
Originally Posted by: Tonja_ReneeWell that wasn't what I was expecting... and that is just totally not nice of you to tease with a story like that.. and knowing its not finished.. you aren't going to post the finished story.

But I was definately interested...


Sorry.I thought about that after I stuck it up there. I have a tendency to write longer stories and I really didn't want to post something up there that would be maybe twenty or thirty pages long. Not fair to ask people to read that much or take up that much space. Tell you what, if you want, when I finish it, I can email you the finished piece.

Might take a while though. Got a million things going right now.

One question though; did you enjoy what you read?
[FONT=Tahoma]"All I can do is be me ... whoever that is". Bob Dylan [/FONT]
# 3
Tonja_Renee
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Tonja_Renee
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11/22/2006 2:59 am
I did enjoy it...

I definately wanted to read more.
Great works are performed, not by strength, but by perseverance.
# 4
acapella
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acapella
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11/22/2006 4:50 pm
I'm with Tonja...you got me hooked. I demand more!
You go outside and practice screaming. We'll play music while you're gone.
# 5
earthman buck
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earthman buck
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11/22/2006 8:14 pm
I too want more.
# 6
Jolly McJollyson
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Jolly McJollyson
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11/24/2006 7:07 am
Stylistically it's different from what I prefer, but I REALLY like this outline. You have a nice style; Terry Pratchett and Hunter S. Thompson might ask for it back, though, haha.

I want to see what you do with this, I found it stylistically sound and entertaining to boot.
I want the bomb
I want the P-funk!

My band is better than yours...
# 7
suslikmeg
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suslikmeg
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12/04/2006 1:13 pm
. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
# 8
hunter60
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hunter60
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12/04/2006 1:19 pm
Originally Posted by: suslikmeg. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .



Huh? What does this mean?
[FONT=Tahoma]"All I can do is be me ... whoever that is". Bob Dylan [/FONT]
# 9
Tonja_Renee
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Tonja_Renee
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12/04/2006 1:33 pm
I'm thinking its spam...
Great works are performed, not by strength, but by perseverance.
# 10
Jolly McJollyson
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Jolly McJollyson
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12/04/2006 3:44 pm
Mod, delete suslik's post immediately, and hunter, delete the quote you have of it.
I want the bomb
I want the P-funk!

My band is better than yours...
# 11
bestrapes
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bestrapes
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12/05/2006 7:52 am
. . . . . . . .
# 12
hunter60
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hunter60
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12/05/2006 12:18 pm
Why do these people keep messing with this thread? Just delete the whole thing. I apologize for this but I don't think it's anything in particular about this story, at least I hope not.

Again, sorry. Please delete the thread. Maybe that'll stop them.
[FONT=Tahoma]"All I can do is be me ... whoever that is". Bob Dylan [/FONT]
# 13
resanew
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resanew
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12/05/2006 12:48 pm
When a car load goes wrong more often then not it happens when the Finance and Insurance manager prepares a contract for your. Many savings simple evaporate in that room. Here is the list of things that usually go wrong ... car loan
# 14
earthman buck
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earthman buck
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12/05/2006 9:05 pm
Mods, do not delete this thread. It's a good story (beginning). Delete hunter's negativity. :)
# 15
acapella
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acapella
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12/05/2006 9:10 pm
You should turn your bad feelings into a new story or song! That's what we call "sticking it to the man".
You go outside and practice screaming. We'll play music while you're gone.
# 16
Dr_simon
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Dr_simon
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12/05/2006 11:24 pm
Hunter60 and everyone else, Im really sorry your fine post has been spammed out. We mods try however at the moment it is a lousing battle.

I have notified Jon of this problem and hopefully it will be sorted out in the not too distant future.
My instructors page and www.studiotrax.net for all things recording.
my toons Brought to you by Dr BadGAS
# 17
hunter60
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hunter60
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12/05/2006 11:54 pm
Thanks Doc. It just seems like they have targeted this particular post. I really don't have a problem having this deleted if you think that'll help. You know, remove the target, eliminate the enemy sort of thinking. :rolleyes:
[FONT=Tahoma]"All I can do is be me ... whoever that is". Bob Dylan [/FONT]
# 18
Dr_simon
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Dr_simon
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12/06/2006 12:46 am
No mate, no need this. Im sure this thread was just in the wrong place at the wrong time. If it wasn't this thread it would be another one which would just shunt the problem to another location on the board !
My instructors page and www.studiotrax.net for all things recording.
my toons Brought to you by Dr BadGAS
# 19
Bar Chord Nick
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Bar Chord Nick
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12/06/2006 1:34 am
Ok I missed the drama. Probably better off. I assume one of those porn spam things...Annoying.

Anyway to the main subject here. Not my kind of story but I still continued to read it. I think it's really well written. You truly have the gift for story telling. I expect to see your work in book form someday.
# 20

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