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iiholly
hmm
Joined: 07/29/02
Posts: 2,368
iiholly
hmm
Joined: 07/29/02
Posts: 2,368
07/24/2006 3:29 pm
Hmm... well I'll just give you advice on one stanza/verse since i'm at work and yeah, don't have enough time.

"every time i see your face"

This is too cliche, you've probably heard it in another song (not to say you're copying it). You could think of some clever way to reword it though.

"every time i hear your voice"

Okay switching senses can be cool, but using it in this type of way is done really often. You could use the sense switch, and as I said about that last line reword it.

"my heart is reminded of memories"

Thats a throw away line, unless once again you want to reword it.

"my mind wanders to days of the past
"

Way to switch from heart to mind, kind of going with your sense switching theme thingy. Your use of wanders is cliche, but you could keep it (because it isn't too bad).

And that's all I have time for. I'm picky with lyrics, so don't let me discourage you. It might sound good with the music.