You're looking at how your feelings are likely to affect those around you, instead of doing some kind of 'poor me' self-centered pity trip. That is so positive and healthy!

You can see what needs to be done. Maybe you need to spend some time with a counsellor who can help you focus. No one could expect to be able to handle a loss like yours without support. Maybe both you and your wife could contact a support group. Your pain is very personal, but its not unique. There are others walking the same path that can help you find a way.