My little sister is battling cancer right now. Like you, I don't know why this aweful this has happend. But happen it has. Yet one thing and one thing alone is helpling me to cope in her illness, and that IS my faith in Christ.
Have I been mad at God? oh ya, big time. Have shouted and sreamed : WHY!!! ? Have doubted his power, his mercy, and supposed luv for me? A hunderd times over.
And I've also had to appolgize, because he has come through for me and my sis. She may still die and maybe soon -- I don't know.
But mercy has been show to me Marcos, the dread and fear are gone. Am I cavalier about this? No, no I'm not. Do I still question? For sure, but more than that, a stillness can be found, and an amazing grace pays me visits when I truly need it the most.
You know, almost without exception every great man or woman in the Bible has railed against and hated God for a time -- often many times. But in each and every case, his grace, peace, mercy and yes unfailing love ultimalty proved more than sufficient for those in agony.
I do not believe that God slew your boy. Not for a moment. But one fact I would take a bullet for is this: Christ does care. But being in so much pain right now I know it sounds like total crap.
But please, when the anger subsides, and fog of confusion lifts. The "why" will begin to fade in the future. But the hurt reamins. And that is the time to make that leap of faith, and grab onto the hand that can and will mend the deepest hurts. This is the experience of millions and millions Moarcos and with all hope I can muster, I pray it will become your reality as well.
Again, I'm so very sorry for your loss.
Randy