My little Fox passed away this morning. SIDS I suppose, at least that thats the doctors are saying. I'm absolutely devasted. I can barely think of the words to type, so forgive me but I'm just gonna empty my mind. Life......death...the corralation between the two. How can something so innocent just be ripped from this world? I don't understand it and I probably never will. All I've been hearing all morning is about God and his will. I don't believe in God and I never will. This just reinforces that belief. So if it wasn't God who took him then why? Why my little boy? That is a question I will live with all of my life. Right now I'm going through all the regrets and hindsight. I shoulda did this I coulda did that. Even though I know there was pretty much nothing I could do I can't help but blame myself. I feel like such a failure as a father and a human being. What now? The next few months and years are gonna be the toughest of my life. If I can get through them I'll be alright. Don't ever take life for granted. It's not garaunteed that you'll be here when the sun comes up tomorrow. You may never see it coming. I hope sometime I will gain some kind of knowledge and experience from this but I don't see how that is possible. I guess what I have learned is life can change in an instant. One flick of the switch. I can't really say how this will affect me in the end. Right now I can't feel or I don't want too. I don't wanna accept it but I'm gonna have too. I got a huge amount of soul searching to do. I thought about performing "Tears in Heaven" at his services but I know I wouldn't make it through the first few words. I don't know what to do.