Originally Posted by: 6strngs_2hmbkrsI can't stop thinking about how much I seriously want to commit suicide right now.

Hey fella. If life was all plain sailing, then life wouldn't be worth living. Your problems are simply life my friend. At Christmas, I was running my own business, a pub (you may say bar) after quitting music at 40. I often worked 70 hours a week, and didn't retire from music a rich man by any means.
After saving for months for christmas, hoping it would be a good one for the kids, I was robbed on Dec 23rd. They got in through some upstairs patio doors, and took EVERYTHING I had. As all of our money was in there too, we were left broke.
Not long after that, I quit the business (it was killing me anyway) and I wondered what I'd do next. My girl assured me 'something would come up, soon as people know you're available for work') but I felt very low. I spent Christmas with my head in my hands, which isn't like me at all!

After the holidays, I got myself out there, in touch with the world again, and as a result I am now gigging 4 or 5 times a week again. I actually did 5 gigs last week, between Friday and Sunday alone. Although I said I wouldn't take on too much work, but I find it hard to turn down, as we all need cash.
What I am saying is, you never know what's around the corner. I take it from you posting here you're a guitarist? Take out your frustrations by learning new stuff and really throwing yourself into it. The best way to get back at your 'friend' and your ex-girl, is to get out there and show them you're the man. Not show them you're a loser, ready to give up because you gotta pick a few bottles up, and collect some shopping carts.
Get with the program buddy. Get mad by all means, but learn from the crappy part of your life, get out there and better yourself, and each time you feel yourself not wanting to keep plugging away, just think of those damn shopping carts and your manager, that will spur you on.

Life is always worth living. Some people out there today have no choice, but to die (my friend found out about cancer, six weeks later - dead!) but you have that choice. Use this as a lesson. I had perhaps the worst start in life anyone could possibly have. I had no dad, a mother I barely saw, I basically lived on the streets. As I had no good clothes, I was the butt of all the cruel jokes you can think of from local kids. I had no money, friends, family or clothes, but I did have AMBITION. That costs nothing.
As soon as I got my first guitar, I literally played til I bled. That one was smashed as I walked along the street, by the local bad boys, so I went out all day, every day, doing gardens, cleaning cars, washing windows, until I eventually (took a while too) had enough for another guitar.

By the time I was 17 I had already toured with a band I had only been watching on TV a year before. You have to believe in you, then others will too, and once you get a name for yourself, it stays with you, but you gotta work at it. Life will NOT COME TO YOU. You got to go and get it. I had a lot of luck, and that guitar took me around the world a few times, playing with, and meeting people I'd never have dreamed of meeting (even rock stars are just regular guys, believe me) and I even made money too! I have a gorgeous wife, who's 22. (Hey it doesn't bother Rod Stewart or Paul MacCartney, so it don't bother Gad!) I didn't wind up with a mansion, and I still have to go out playing at 45 years old, but at least I'm doing something I love doing, and so could you!
The time you spent telling strangers you were suicidal (you are not, if you were you'd have just done it, as my cousin Keith did. He told no one and seemed fine that day.) you would not have told us guys all about it. Also, you could have used that time to do something that would help you.

As it happens I have a track I wrote a while ago, about a guy I used to be in a band with. He let life get him down, and he went from being one of the best keyboard players in the busines, to an alcoholic - despite my efforts to save him. Coincidentally, its called "Mr. Suicide" and guess what, a canadian record company want to release it on a compilation album! Go listen to his story on my site, and learn from it.
If your post has served any purpose at all, it will hopefully make you realise that there is not just YOU out there with a lousy job. Those of us who do manage to make a living from doing what we love, are in the minority. I still have problems too, and still owe money I should have paid at Christmas, with the cash that got stolen. Luckily, Juliet is the kind of girl who refuses to let life get to her, and I have learned a lot from her, even a woman of her tender years. If I look depressed, she snaps me out of it.

At time of writing, it is about minus 5 below freezing, here in the UK. At 7pm tomight, I will be peering through a hole in the ice, as I drive to my first gig. I will then spend an hour hauling speaker cabs, amps and guitars up stairs, and down passageways (I can't afford help) but at least I'm 'out there'! You have a brain, you have hands, you (probably) have a guitar. Go use them all -together. I doesn't matter if you're fat, ugly or have three heads. If you really want it, its there waiting for you, but I say again, it will NOT come to you. If my tone seems angry, then I'm sorry, but I don't 'do' defeatism. And if my ten minutes worth of lecturing you doesn't make you get up and get something done, then maybe you are just a lost cause. I really hope not. Keep us posted will you?
Regards
Steve Gad.
http://profile.myspace.com/index.cfm?fuseaction=user.viewprofile&friendid=56949529

(Go check it out)