Originally Posted by: zoran the darkSimple, kick their a** or live one like nothing happend. you will mention te last one, but I doubt that. What about not sleeping at night, afraid to go to school, wishing you were dead? doesn't that cound? well? I dunno. If you ask me that is a fault while the only thing she could have done is ask. she didn't and waisted 4 years on it to let me know ( on my purpose). I know I can't blame her for having a baby, bud nobody tells me about it. They are holding back the truth, that's lying to me. that's the point that I'm trying to make, is it lying or what?[/QUOTE]
I think you're missing the point here dude. She's your teacher, not your lover. She's not obligated to keep you up to date on her personal life and if she was obligated, it'd probably be because she was having an affair with you, which is illegal. You can't blame her for anything because she hasn't actually done anything wrong. It's not lying. It's just not telling you about their own business. There's plenty of things in my own life that you don't know about. But I'm not lying by not telling you. They're my own things to carry. And, like any other person, I'm always grateful when others stay out.

Originally Posted by: zoran the dark
and yes, she can loose her job on it. But I lost my life and a reason to stay alive. That is why I felt so guilty for al that kind of trouble, I don't want to be in the way. I know I will always make her feel sick if I am around.
But I'm sick and tierd of having this burning hate and fear. Something just needs to happen...

Don't you think you're a tad young to give up on life? I've got my own opinions on the topic, but I think I've been a bit extreme already. And you're right. Something does need to change. You need to grow up and move on. That's the only way things will actually get better, but the longer you hold something like this so near and dear, the worse it'll get. This isn't the kind of thing to cling to.
[QUOTE=zoran the dark]
so, kick their fence or feel miserable for the rest of my life?

From personal experience I can say you'll feel worse in the long run if you do kick their fence. It's something you'll know you did without thinking and you'll have to live with it for the rest of your life knowing that you acted irrationally. And on the feeling miserable for the rest of your life. Pain is inevitable, but suffering is an option. You have the choice in you to let this go or to hold it close. That's a decision that nothing else will change and causing harm to others will only add to it. This, unfortunately, is one of those things that you must figure out for yourself. Find out what it is that's actually bothering you and fix it yourself. It's the only way things will get better. Naturally, we'll be here for support, but in the end, you're the one that has to decide. Do you want to be happy?