Originally Posted by: PRSplayaThat's pretty good actually. At first, I didn't see where it was going, but after reading it again, I realized it had a fairly deep messege. Two parts that don't seem to flow/fit as well as the rest are where you say "furious" and on down "eroded". To me, those two parts just seem a little out of place. The point is clear, but the choice of wording (those specific words) just seems a little off to me. I'm not very good at poetry, nor do I have a vast knowledge of the English vocabulary. I only know what sounds right to me, and what doesn't. So, this is only my opinion... take it as you will. Great job either way. I enjoyed it.

BWT, isn't there a well known poem titled "Footprints"?

Yeah, both of those words I'm still agonizing over. I wanted to say "effaced" instead of eroded, but that's not the right word either. Eventually it will come, still only the 2-minute-writing-time first draft. And yeah, "furious" is not the word I want here.

No, Fender, it's nothing like anything you would do. It's very different in fact. I try to emulate Joyce; were I more intelligent I could do it more accurately. Sadly, James Joyce is much, much smarter than I.