That's pretty good actually. At first, I didn't see where it was going, but after reading it again, I realized it had a fairly deep messege. Two parts that don't seem to flow/fit as well as the rest are where you say "furious" and on down "eroded". To me, those two parts just seem a little out of place. The point is clear, but the choice of wording (those specific words) just seems a little off to me. I'm not very good at poetry, nor do I have a vast knowledge of the English vocabulary. I only know what sounds right to me, and what doesn't. So, this is only my opinion... take it as you will. Great job either way. I enjoyed it.

BWT, isn't there a well known poem titled "Footprints"?