[font=trebuchet ms]This is Tavisham Bellmouth, live from Plymouth with the infamous Captain Hindgrinder. Captain, may I ask how you came to have a hook instead of a hand?

Aye, will noo, 'twas all on account o' bein' distracted during a fierce sea-battle. That blarsted Ladyhawke flashed 'er wing at me, and thin hacked off me swordhand whilst I was gawkin' at 'er.


And did she cut off your leg as well?

Ah, no, lad, after the blarsted wench had off me hand I was over t' side to make me escape in t' jolly-boat, but t'was a long ways down, an' I shivvered me leg from knee t'ankle. There was nowt to be done but t' have ol' Sawbones take it off at th' knee.


Did you lose your eye in the same fight?

Arr, no, t'was th' nixt day. I was sprawled on th' deck wit' me new hook n' peg-leg, easin' me aches wit' a bottle o' grog, when this damned ****hawk circlin' o'er th' boat dropped a steamin' load right in me eye!


Oh my, Captain! That must have hurt, but surely that wouldn't cause you to lose your eye?

Blarst ye, lad! Did I no tell ye plain?
T'was me furst day wit' t' hook![/font]