lyrics with a the simplest grunge progression.

hows this for starters

MEAGER THOUGHTS AND TEMPERMENTS
- a confession for the weak

-ageing beleiver-
beat me to follow through
beat me to be much better than you
beat me to feel the pain you feel
beat me to hurt much more than feel

so now
i don't beleive in you
i don't beleive in you
i don't beleive in you
i don't beleive in you

*( i )
I have the world fed through your straw
i had held the time you lost till now
i held all i could hold dear for you
you crushed that and tore me

for you ...

(interlude)
For i love you
i had too much of that
i need you
i never told you that
i trust you
you spat that back
i am you!


in the end....
i won't beleive in needing you!
i won't beleive in needing you!
i won't beleive in needing you!
i won't beleive in needing you!

Me i am you!

chords : Bm , G repeat.

MEAGER THOUGHTS AND TEMPERMENTS
- a confession for the weak

That title is just un needed...

-ageing beleiver-
beat me to follow through
beat me to be much better than you
beat me to feel the pain you feel
beat me to hurt much more than feel

The first two lines are good...but the last two..rhyming feel with feel...are just bad. And the last one doesnt make any sense at all.

so now
i don't beleive in you
i don't beleive in you
i don't beleive in you
i don't beleive in you

...meh...nothing really special about this chorus

*( i )
I have the world fed through your straw
i had held the time you lost till now
i held all i could hold dear for you
you crushed that and tore me

for you ...

this verse is just all over the place and doesn't really talk about anything...and again it doesnt really seem like it would flow very well.

(interlude)
For i love you
i had too much of that
i need you
i never told you that
i trust you
you spat that back
i am you!

This is just...not very good. It's phrased weirdly and doesn't really add to the song. And it would be a Bridge, not an interlude.

in the end....
i won't beleive in needing you!
i won't beleive in needing you!
i won't beleive in needing you!
i won't beleive in needing you!

Me i am you!

Theres the chorus again yay

uhm constructive critism indeed.

but i'm new to all this stuff
i went from drowing my self into shred to learning acoustic now so i can write songs - but uhm

thanx

Reminds me of Nirvana.