Originally Posted by: KindsoulHello,
I am new to songwriting. I love to write. This is the first song that I have written. Let me know if there's any changes required. I am quite shy about my work but I believe there is always room for improvement. Thanks
JESUS LIVES IN MY HEART
JESUS LIVES IN MY HEART,
HE LOVED [U]US ALL[/U] FROM THE START.
JESUS LIVES IN MY HEART,
HE SAVED [U]US[/U] AND SET [U]US[/U] APART.
THE DAY HE CAME INTO [U]OUR TROUBLED WORLD[/U],
HE CAME WITH [U]PEACE FOR THE LAND[/U].
THE DAY [U]THAT MAN'S UNAVOIDABLE SIN[/U],
WAS [U]DEALT A LOSING HAND[/U].
JESUS LIVES IN MY HEART,
HE LOVED [U]US ALL[/U] FROM THE START.
JESUS LIVES IN MY HEART,
HE SAVED [U]US[/U] AND SET [U]US[/U] APART.
HE BROUGHT [U]THE WORLD FROM[/U] THE MIRY CLAY
AND CHANGED THE [U]WAY WE LIVE AND PRAY[/U].
I PUT MY TRUST IN THE COMING KING
FOR HE ONCE DIED FOR ALL THE SINFUL.
JESUS LIVES IN MY HEART,
HE LOVED [U]US ALL[/U] FROM THE START.
JESUS LIVES IN MY HEART,
HE SAVED [U]US[/U] AND SET [U]US[/U] APART.
This, by the way, looks like a great song to sing to a sunday school class of kids at your church. I've changed a little bit in my quote here to something I think might flow a little better (and also isn't so "me" centered, not the typical theme you'd want in a song about Christ), feel free to ignore it. I've replaced many "me" references with "us" to give the song the universality it needs. Might want to add something about the inevitability of human sin, selfishness, etc. without sounding harsh, overly critical, or judgemental. It's a very nice sunday-school song, as I said before, just tweak it a bit and it'll be just dandy. Also, to members out there who happen not to believe in God, this song is not the place to argue your points. No one's said anything yet, but I feel like it might happen. Therefore, I want to stress how inappropriate that would be. I like to see discussions of God's existance, because I'm sure, if he does exist, it would please Him to know that his children are using that wonderful gift of reason He gave us.