It's not really so much that I'm unhappy, I'm a jolly ****er.

Regarding the "don't exist" thing. I really have a hard time finding the words to explain what I mean. I don't mean they're not alive, I'm sure they are, by definition anyway. They just seemed hollow and drone-like. So monotonous and predictable. Like they had nothing to offer the world, just a waste of time. And for me to sit here and think about it is an equal contradiction. It's a waste of my time, if they're not worth the time of day then why am I giving it to them. As disgusted as I am by people though I still find them fascinating to observe. I never tire of watching the life of the simple-minded people. Always walking around, day-in day-out, same thing. Nothing new with any of them, hell, the biggest issue in their life is the increase of gas prices. What could they possibly know? They're off in never never land crying about all sorts of bull**** but none of them seem to see that it doesn't matter. Nothing does. So what's the point? Why they continue to let such small matters plague them is beyond me. I don't know, maybe it's just me. I just feel very out of place here. I live with my mom but in a couple weeks I'm moving in with a friend of mine. But that's not enough. I want my own place where I can always be alone so I can go and hermit myself in my chamber of isolation and have a place to always go to when I want to be free. Something that won't be taken from me in time, some where that I can guarantee will always be there when I need to get away from anything. I guess I can honestly say I don't really care much for this place. I feel nothing worthwhile from it and I don't see myself getting anywhere here. Everyone I see from family to coworkers is equally full of **** (save for a select few here and there). All fighting in the same dead end rat race that accomplishes nothing and leaves everything the same. Mostly, I'm confused by everything. I've been reading a **** ton into psychology lately to try and understand anything more than nothing. So far that really hasn't helped much as I just don't seem to be getting it. What you've just read is probably a very big reason why I have literally based my entire existance around music. Not much else out there.