Looks like my cat's off to the vet to be put down. It's weird, the bonding one gets with animals. She's been a good cat for a long time, but she's, well, hideous. You can easily describe her by saying she's decaying, or at least smells like it. She's old and it kind of has to be done. Thing is, I really can't say I feel much for it. I'm not really sad about it, not happy, I really just don't feel much of anything. I look at he and see the cat that's been around since I was 12 and now I'm taking her in for a lethal injection. It just catches me as weird and I get so caught in the thought of what everything was vs what it is and I just don't know what to think. I even spell it out for myself in the most blunt ways by imagining her lifeless body afterwards. I try to imagine what she'll be feeling after the shot. A drowsy feeling that turns into exhaustion. Then sleep. That's how I think of everything. I take in everything at once. I try to really understand what things must be like. To be blind even. I can close my eyes for an extended period of time, but is that darkness what a blind person sees? Are they even able to see that darkness? Let alone forever. A paralyzed person, schizophrenia, everything. To wake up everyday with that same symptom as the day before and knowing that it will never change. I dunno, maybe I think too much about things like that. I try to envision what things must be like so intensly that it often gives me the creeps. This is also how a lot of my time thinking is spent. Envisioning such things that I don't understand. Observing people and their lives. I'm often confused with a starer. I'm almost always looking at people but it's not staring the way I do it. I'll sit there and imagine what the world looks like from their view and some times it gets frighteningly accurate. Earlier today I was waiting in line for lunch and I looked at a table that seated three girls and one guy. Two of the girls I singled out and contemplated what made them who they were and I ended up coming to the conclusion that they didn't actually exist. They weren't people, how could they be. They've just been manifested in some shell. I did notice one thing. I saw a phone number written on one of the girls' hand. So as I stood less than 2 feet away from her, I entered that phone number into my cell phone and I still have it. I'm contemplating calling just to see who she wants to talk to, but I hold back because I fear that might be a tad close to being a stalker. But regardless, I still came to the conclusion that everyone in there was meaningless. They all disgusted me. I don't really even know why. But they did. I was fed up with all of them and contemplated leaving the restaurant just to be in a less crowded area. I find that I have that feeling a lot. Whenever I leave the house I start getting really uncomfortable in public places. Namely because there're people everywhere. Infesting everything. And what makes it worse is that every time I go to the same store, I always see different people, never the same ones. Which means that I'm seeing that many more people. Then I begin to wonder if any of the people I see now happen to know any of the people I've seen before or some random thought like that. Well, enough of my sudden burst of thoughts. Don't feel like it's necessary to respond.