Hey EDDYG,
You and I may not have had the same exact problems growing up but I sure recognise the feelings you are describing now. I did'nt have a language barrier getting in my way, I had a shyness barrier. Not to mention that I was allways the tallest and skinnyest in my classes. So being the "strange looking one" at school made me the target of every bully and wise ass in the school. I definately felt like the outcast. I did'nt have any friends because noone wanted to hang out with a geek.And the teachers were no help they even stood by while two classmates hung me out of a third story window by my ankles. I had that dark cloud hanging over my head for years and even tried suicide when I was twelve.
I was a very smart kid, But that did'nt matter because I felt worthless. Then I realised at 13 yo that I could easily fit in with the stoners, All I had to do was drink beer and smoke some s**t and suddenly I was cool. I had "friends" to hang out with. So began 22 years of drug and alchahol addiction, Rehabs, Suicide attempts and Mental hospitals. All because I was depressed and noone bothered to take notice of it. I wish I had gone to a therapist when I was young. When I finally did go to one three years ago he showed me how to deal with all the crap that went on in my life when i was younger. (it was alot more than just being friendless) I realised that I had depression and that I was NOT crazy. depression is a disease and can be treated, Believe me I know.
You asked for opinions. Heres mine.
Give yourself a break and talk with a therapist and see what he/she has to say. It don't mean you are crazy or less of a man,(In fact I think it takes a real man to ask for help.)
Have faith that things will get better. If you need to talk privately Click my MSN link on my profile, OK?