Hey what’s up every one? I’m 21years and this is just partial or my life’s story as a kid.
Few months back (like 8months back) I haven’t been able to think clear, or a less have a clear mind. It seems like there is a big black cloud on top of my head, and it wouldn’t go away or something
I have been thinking a lot with my life and well to say the truth I think or maybe I need a councilor, not that I’m crazy or anything it just that, there are a few things I just don’t know how to deal with.
Funny, BUT IM SCARED, is this a natural filling? ….I just don’t know. I don’t know if it’s for me; make me wonder if it’s going to actually help me. I don’t want to go to some **** like that and not help me and feel like a fool.
Some of you are probably wondering, what are something’s that are troubling me. Well first of all, I haven’t told anyone about these things, not even my family. So please this is hard for me to type
(Makes me wonder why I’m doing this, o well)
It just wasn’t easy for me growing up as a kid. Ummmmm when I was around 10 years that’s when all my problems started. I was a Hispanic kid, so you can only imagine growing up and not knowing how to speak English and the teachers at school always treating you differently, putting you aside(taking you out of the class room), not even paying attention to you. Back then there were no ESL classes as today. I even tried making friends but it just didn’t matter how hard I tried, if they didn’t understand you what was the point of even trying, maybe because felt lonely, like an out cast. The only good thing at i enjoyed was watching cartoons by my self.
(Man, I’m feeling dizzy)
That was just school, the real problems were at my house. And to say the truth every time I think off it or when it just comes back me, it makes me laugh. Like one of those laughs that leaves you wondering, why did that happened to me?
Where should I start, with my parents? Ummmm, they were having marriage problems, my father was cheating on my mother, whom I saw him actually cheating and my father denied it all to my mother even after I saw him. So you could say I didn’t had much help with my parents, plus my father always use to beat me so (**** him), I don’t really truth my father to this date, I can’t even have a normal conversation with him. Also the other fact that he f****n left me stranded in the middle of some highway in the middle of night (I still want to know why he did that to me) and my older brother turning his back on me for nothing (F****). (Which I still remember the place) I was about 10 years.
Another thing that is messing me up with my manhood, this is probably one of the hardest things I’m going to say from me. I don’t know how to put it. In simple words --------- some retard sick moron, toke advantage over me (sexually), he was probably around 20 or more when I was just 10 years, damn I did know what to do, but still I knew it was wrong, only if I could go back and kick his ass. Another thing that really gets me going is that that his one of my family members…..oiashngoianlkgndsjf
An uncle………………………………..
So u can only imagine how much anger builds up in me and how mad I get when I see him, it just makes me sick. I know he remembers what happen, damn if I remember he should too. I feel every time he sees me he laughs from in side of him. I can’t do anything I just want to pound his face to the ground and keep beating him until I get tired even then ill keep going….. This is one of those things that is so fu…..n hard for me to get over especially when you keep seeing the people that, did you wrong….
I don’t know why I’m typing this, maybe because I just had to get it out. It’s been inside of me for 11 years and it feels like this happened yesterday. Maybe I do need some counseling what do you guys think.
I need a good response, please.
There are many other things, but I think this is enough for me (for one day).
So I guess I’m pretty mist up in my head. Only if I could get my head cleared and a few answers.
thats why i like music so much, that way i can express my self.