Opinions on lyrics???

I've noticed others in this forum have posted lyrics from their songs here to get feed-back from those who view them.
So......., I decided to take the leap and submit one of my bands latest ideas for a song, and get your feed-back........good or bad.

We are a Heavy Metal band, and the lyrics will most likely be sung with an aggressive style. Also, I realize that many song writers here will disagree with the rhyming style of the lyrics, but we thought it would relay the message more dirrectly that way............but who knows, maybe not.

HER LAST BREATH

Poison winds and venom tides
mankinds gift bestowed world-wide
Long dead mountains gutted clean
spitting fire as she bleeds
Extinction takes another place
victims of the human race
Leaving scars that never mend
leading to our species end

Time and time again
we crossed the line and walked the thin
Ignoring all her pleading cries
we tore her down and watched her die

All the signs have come to pass
the darkest hour here at last
The masses fall in disarray
to late to scream, to late to pray
Death-counts rise and kingdoms fall
natures fury is felt by all
Like rats we're all trapped in a cage
and now we face our planet's rage

Time and time again
we crossed the line and walked the thin
Ignoring all her pleading cries
we tore her down and watched her die

So now we're doomed to fade away
erased by fate, but who's to blame
Lessons gave were never learned
this self-made hell was fully earned
A race of greed, this race of man
that killed themselves by their own hand
Mother Earth in throes of death
will cleanse us all with her last breath

Originally Posted by: Shadowborn
spitting fire as she bleeds

is it a dragon...oh wait mother earth oook volcanos man there everywhere this days.......right!!!..

wait mother earth doesnt bleed...

our souls may bleed,for our sins...taken down to the gutters of hell, thats where it has been..

maybe...who knows...maybe if you take that idea and re-write it.
I just dont fully agree with "spitting fire as she bleeds."
makes it sound like its a freak or something.Just my opinin.

The song was intended to be a list of metaphors relating to mankinds disregard for the environment, and the final consequences that came of it.

The line "spitting fire as she bleeds" was a metaphor comparing erupting volcanoes and the resulting lava flows to a "bleeding" earth.

Thanks for the compliments. They are much appreciated.

And for the record........, after writing a few songs lately, I've come to the conclusion that writing lyrics for a song is one of the hardest things I've ever attempted. I have a much greater respect for song-writers now! :cool:

I just posted my lyrics for feedback without looking at this first, im sad i ddid, your lyrics put mine to shame. AWESOME AWESOME lyrics! Love them!

Thanks bro! It's a good feeling to be complimented by fellow musicians. :cool: