What do you think?

What do you think of these 2 Lyrics?
BTW i´m from Austria so plz forgive mistakes in the text if there are some...

Time

Verse 1:
Sometimes it´s running faster
Sometimes it feels like it stopped
Sometimes you got too little of it
Sometimes it´s all you got

Sometimes you don´t think of it
Listen to this song
Sometimes you think you have too much of it
And then it´s all gone

Chorus:
Hey!!! Time runs away
Hey!!! Think of it every day
Hey!!! Don´t loose any second
Hey!!! Think of it and – live

Verse 2:
It´s a street that leads to a dead end
Or are you religious though?
Don´t close your eyes and think of that:
Time is your greatest foe.

You die every second
Or at least you get one step
Closer to the end
Don´t get off the track

I´m not the only one
Who thought of that
I know a wise man
“carpe diem” he said.

So live your life
And think of the fact
That you aren´t immortal too
So use the time you have

Verse 3:
I think it´s a curse you know
everyone is cursed
I don´t want to look back
To see what was in the past

Cause everyone is gone now
Nothing could take them away
No plague, no war, no fire
Time managed it easily

Outro:
Hey!!! You can try to run away
Hey!!! Time is faster
Hey!!! No one is save
Hey!!! Everybody is with one step in his grave










Aeon of Strife

Verse 1:
I´m sitting in the darkness,
Mind unfocused
Tired of the things
I had to go through

Tired of living
Tired of lying
Tired of surviving
The everyday life

I became blind to the good things in life,
The little exceptions in our time.
There was no answer to the things that count,
I only see the sickness around.

Black oil is flowing through my veins,
Painfull emptyness filling my brain.
In my agony there is no sound
No light no answer only shadows unbound.

Chorus:
I´m in search for what I once was
Eternal light turned to shadows
Looking for the thing I lost so long ago
If I only knew what to look for


Verse 2:
I look up to the sky and see
that my god has forsaken me
and I just can´t believe
that he´ll come back to me

No matter what I do or what I say
I can´t escape this hell of me
Captured in this dark place
There is no life in my face.

I look outside and see
That the world has made me
What I am what I become
A damned creature only alone

I´ll get back to my grave
There is no meaning to life
Spending my time wasting hours
What I call the Aeon of Strife

Decent, but its hard to judge lyrics without music behind it.

Warum schreiben Sie nicht in Deutsch? Englisch ist meine Muttersprache. Ich würde es schwer finden, Texte auf Detusch zu schreiben. Wenn man weiß nicht die idiomatische Ausdrücke von einer Sprache, es ist nicht leicht gute Texte zu machen. Ich bin sicher, daß mein Deutsch ist nicht so gut wie Ihr, und Ihr Englisch ist nicht so gut wie mein.

the dirt:

i am austrian too. english is not my native language. however - german IMO is a very good language for beeing used in theaters or on films. English is a very good language for music - way better than german. it is true that it aint easy to write good lyrics using a foreign language - but it is possible.
to be honest - none of the lyrics posted on this page so far - even from native english writers - were much better than these.

Originally Posted by: AzraelEnglish is a very good language for music - way better than german.

I dunno. I saw the Magic Flute in English and it wasn't nearly as good as the German version.

I'd put my vote in for French and Russian.

1. Dere Azrael...
Hätt mir ned dacht dass in dem Forum auch Österreicher gibt^^

2. German is a language much more harder in pronunciation and stuff...
It is nicer to use the english language because it has more flow...

3. Nobody has already criticised my lyrics yet...
This Thread is about the quality of my lyrics and why is use the English language instead of german is no point in this discussion...

So plz focus on the important things :p

Hard to judge without music but a few things.

Both songs are very dark, the lyrics in the second one are better than the first. I think poetically the first song isn't the best. The rhyming is very obvious and and similes and comparisons don't do much for me.

Everything doesn't have to rhyme either, i'd rather here a good clever lyric that didn't rhyme rather that a poorer lyric that rhymed.

I like the start of the second song.
I´m sitting in the darkness,
Mind unfocused
That's a pretty good lyric.

Baring in mind that English is your second language, it's a good effort.
Also I hope you're not as sad as the songs suggest