Well man, I'm a starving student as it is. lol. I can do this, I know I can. By the bridge being warped, I just meant it's being pulled forward a bit. But that crack is another story. If the neck of the guitar is an 'L' while the guitar is standing straight up, this part is the bottom of the 'L' that attaches onto the body. ...And this crack is deep man, it pretty much cuts the bottom half of the 'L' in half and ... jesus, I can see right though the guitar pretty much all the way from... like where the body meets this bottom half of the 'L'. LOL.

This chick demands teaching (you know what that means) and I can't do it without an accoustic. Without further advice I'm going to pick up some wood glue, shove it in the cracks somehow and put a concrete brick on it to hold it in place. Gotta put an effort into it at least.