Originally posted by sme331
Hammburi....Explain that

That's Hammurabi, but you can call me Hammy for short.

I was basically raised in a cult. It was supposedly 'christian', but it was to the extent that it was completely sick. Stuff always happened like my parents would go on a rampage and burn everything in the house that didn't glorify god. I'm not joking or exaggerating about this, they even burnt every bedsheet and pillowcase that didn't have biblical stuff embroidered on it because they were't annointed with love. You think it feels bad your parents returning or pawning a christmas gift of yours, it's the darndest feeling watching them burn it a month after christmas. And they would drag me to things like pentacostal revival services which involved things like me having to sit around for hours watching while they 'cast a demon out', which involves a bunch of people sitting around babbling like retards while someone writhes around on the floor screaming and swearing like they got epilepsy and tourette's syndrome and were being tortured all at the same time.

I've never really had a childhood as far as family goes. I've pretty much never known my dad even though he lived with me and I was always mortally afraid of my mom. I've never really known my sister either, and having a twin brother in those circumstances is literally like having to fight to be a real person.

Growing up in a family/environment like that is pretty bad for your social life. I pretty much didn't have any real social life or friends until a year or two ago, and even today I only really have one good friend besides my twin bro. That's why people are often disturbed by my social beliefs and views, they're almost entirely from observation and practial reasoning instead of experience. I didn't even have school to base anything off of or meet people at because my parents moved me to a christian private school early elementary and then tried homeschooling me. I did go back to public school eventually, but I never got used to it or ever understood any part of the social structure. I was that bastard you all remember sitting in the corner of the cafeteria looking like someone just raped him.

High school sucked. High school teaches people not to think for themselves, and my parents reinforced that idea. My parents don't think it's healthy for me (we didn't raise you to be like that. we've scheduled a psychiatrist appointment for you in december) to think for myself, and whenever I try it's either hell or they put the credit to god. 'god has really gifted me with my ability to play guitar', or 'god has really gifted me with insight'.

It's done some interesting things to my musical tastes. I was basically unable to listen to secular music until like junior high school (largely a coincidence), so my entire personal style and tastes in music are almost entirely inate (lack of influence).

That's why my entire life until I stopped believing in god doesn't exist. Because there was nothing in it except fear and numbness and being alone.


And no, I probably can't and definitely don't want to sue for child abuse. That's one of my messed up philosophies, the past doesn't mean anything. It's like a bad book I read by accident and got rid of.