Hahah, you've kept your cool so far...If that were me getting the emails I probably would have freaked on one for asking stupid questions a long time ago.
If someone actually needs that much instruction, they should go get a teacher...Its as easy as that. Its bloody hard learning over the internet.
Though I pretty much did, well, self taught but learned scales and stuff. Guitar World helped me a lot too...

What I would do is, everytime someone asks a lot of questions like that...Just send them a reply that says this:
"Go to http://www.guitartricks.com"

I'm sure he'll get most of his questions answered here. Itll take the weight off your shoulders at least.