look im sorry to all da ppl out dere who hav read dat song i read it ova myself and it sounds like **** but look its my first song and is wat started me out so plzz give me a chance i have written my second song which i will put below i hope it is betta i actually worked it all our wif my band and plzzz m8 my band ante no fantasie band it rox i was just asking for ane tips man well here goes my song

FATAL INSTINCTS

spineless from the endless start,
take my life until i part,
in some peoples face i see,
sorrow and their inner grief

saying, take me to the place i wana be....
saying, i dont want to see fatal instincts..
i just want to be happy
and run free around the world
( but i guess i can't)(x2) M im spineless yeah

been crawling from my start to finish
taking my life to the limits,
trying my best to play my part,
then he pulled the trigger
It snapped my spine- back into place,
im gonna be here for some time
yeah yeah fatal instincts (x2)
just ante the way to live......

well i hope dis is betta it has sum mean riffs in it which i am pleased wif and im gonna check out da songwriting thingy 2day i hope it works