Here is a link to some singer breathing exercise you may want to take a look at.
http://www.dummies.com/how-to/content/breathing-basics-for-singing.html
You may want to get a strap and try singing standing up or at least with a higher sitting arrangement so your not squashing your stomach into your lungs.
Maybe also try recording with out your sing and then sing along with your recording.
To me, you sounded like you had a bit of sinus problem.
Overall, I thought you did great as a novice. Can wait to hear the remake
Keep at it..