You listen to jazz differently than you do most other music. You have to be prepared to give it a go, as it is very easy to write off by listening to some jazz and deciding there is no melody, no easy beat, etc. However, if you do give it a chance, Jazz can be the most rewrding form of music you will ever hear. Sure, certain types of music aren't for everyone; I don't like death metal for instance, but I rarely display the kind of contempt for a style than you have, PonyOne.
You're not going to like free jazz if you don't like any other type of jazz, but at least understand this. The people who are good at it are passionate, they are talented, they do know what they are doing, and to some people it does actually sound good. Sometimes you may be told that jazz asks you to think about the music and understand what is going on. This is true to a degree, but you can like the music without thinking about it. I listen to free jazz because I like how it sounds; I like the chaos, I like the way the instruments interact with one another, I like the feeling of exploration that comes from the music. It's not something I can listen to all the time, a lot of the time I would prefer to put on some U2, or whatever. But good free jazz is not just some con that has tricked people into liking it because they want to seem smart. Like a lot of modern art that you say is a joke (by the way, most of the paintings that you seem to refer to were painted over 50 years ago, it's not exactly a new thing anymore), you have to look for something other than what you are used to in free jazz. It sounds good, but not for the same reasons.
"Dozens of people spontaneously combust each year, it's just not that widely reported".