I like some of the lyrics and rhyming, but it goes nowhere. Sure you are feeling bad and can't surive, but it's just repeated over and over again. Get away from the pain and focus on who, how, why, and where you came and where you are going.

The song is too long for playing time, but good for stage. You may want to consider two versions. I think you should also look at song structure. Your music will play a big role in this.

I hope this helps. Just remember, it's only my opinion. I think if you focus, you could write a good song.

Good Day!