We got into discussing someone's personal life a few months ago here. The circumstances were very different, but the basic 'rules' apply.

Girls grow up and become women. Boys generally just get older. A guy doesn't have a clue until he's 30 or more. That's not meant as something you should take as a personal insult. It's just one of many differences that keep things 'interesting'. A young man who meets his soulmate while he's still in his twenties, is lucky beyond description. Mainly because he's unlikely to realise it, or know how to deal with it.

That pretty much leaves things up the woman... not a comfortable idea, but this is life, it isn't comfortable!

I've noticed that you tend to go into very detailed anaysis of any problem. That's one good technique. You need to add another one...perspective! Step back just a bit, and read out loud the first sentence of the second-from-last paragraph of your post.

"She was afraid of commitment going into this thing, and I knew that, and that it possibly would never change."

You had your answer before you even started. The next time you meet someone like this lady, you may recognise the similarity, and substitute the word 'probably' for 'possible' in the above sentence.

The things we call 'judgement' and 'instinct', are really just accumulated experience, and unfortunately, that is something we usually gather up just after we need it.