My oh my...there are soooo many jokes to make... I don't know where to start! Obviously, there are ones I won't make as this is a G rated site...

1) Talk about making a complaint? Most people just send their food back.

2) Perhaps his ... ahem ... had been naughty and he needed to teach it a lesson?

3) How did they figure out his age? Did they count the rings?

4) The report left out an important detail; he was singing the Oscar Meyer song during the attack.

5) Isn't customary to just leave 15% of the bill as a tip?

6) Does that mean he gets to use the ladies tee when he golfs from here on out?

Okay, that's enough for now. Let me give it some thought and I'll come back with a few more.... :D