I like you idea, but I think you are having a little trouble writing in a song form.
Below are a few minutes of writing I did using your idea.
Your song, I believe, would be more suited in a country or even bluegrass style. You know a song that sort of tells a story.
I would be interested in what you think.
I also, would like to continue the thought and, with your permission, finish the song with more verses and music.
Ice Dream
The young boy stares as his dreams slowly pass by.
Tears roll down his face in a rippling stream.
Momma, the man doesn’t stop, he doesn’t even try.
Momma, make him stop, I want my ice dream.
The truck’s jingly tune echoes in a grown man’s mind.
Gone is the image of a mountain of frozen cream.
Gone are his dreams, lost and he never will find.
Frozen are his hopes, frozen in his ice dream.
