Originally Posted by: Jolly McJollysonHaha, did he really!? That's awesome. Honestly, I had more trouble with the office scene. I had to edit out a lot and I have several alternate routes for it to take, though the only one I saved in a separate document had Adam actually get fired there, followed by a long speech by Mr. Kronovier which would've been an interesting character development. However, since it's a short story, I'm not that interested in looking very deeply into Mr. Kronovier's character, so I had to cut it. I'll develop him in some subtler ways if I can.

Actually Jolly, I kinda like Kronovier. He's a little bit of a stereotype of an over-bearing boss but I thought you wrote him that way. I've worked in office environments for years and have met several bosses very similar. The only exception however is that Kronovier would not have laid out Adam on the floor like that. He would have had to do it with HR present and in a private office. Too many 'On the Job Stress' lawsuits filed over that sort of thing. But in the context of the story, it's perfect. Plus, bosses don't like to lose control. It's far more frightening to have the boss sit there and chew you out quietly with a smile on his face, voice nice and even. That sort of thing sends ice water through the veins.

But still, in the context of the story, it's nicely done. I wouldn't change it.