Originally Posted by: ericthecableguyThe story. I think it could use some more development in getting the reader to hate richard.

That's funny, I think you're the only person to say that. Why don't you hate him?

I also maybe might not have painted richard as a slob. I'd make him all proper and snooty...

Well, I think that Richard being a slob in secret and nobody (including Richard) knowing about it except the main character is an integral part of the story. Hell, maybe he isn't even all that bad, maybe the main character has just gotten to that point where he percieves things that way. To draw a paralell with another relationship, a man and a woman who are married can start out great but over time all the little annoying habits add up in each others minds and they end up hating each other for the smallest reasons, like "he brushes his teeth too loud" or "she plays with her fork when I talk to her at dinner". You see the effect I'm trying to create here? Obviously Richard and the main character didn't start out great or anything, but the point is things built up over time, and this is one way of showing that. Remember, all you're getting here is the perspective of the main character. You have to draw your own conclusions from that. The main character isn't necessarily always the good guy, but the point is to make you see things his way. Do you see a better way I could do that in this case?