Originally Posted by: earthman buckOkay, you're absolutely right about that one.
Your other suggestions, while probably better linguistically, just don't seem to work for me. They strike me as very Jolly-ish lines, and as I'm sure you noticed, our writing styles aren't very similar at all. I chose the words I did because that's more or less how I'd tell the story if I was making it up off the top of my head. My style of writing is fairly close to my style of talking.
Anyhow, I'm glad you liked it. :)
We do differ stylistically, so I tried to keep my suggestions closer to the style I felt I was reading.
(I still don't like "it was footsteps" haha, that line is driving me nuts.)