Originally Posted by: acapellaSome things are made clearer with the new changes, but as it gets longer I'm starting to feel like the story explains itself a bit too much. It's good to understand things and have images, but as I read it this last time I was starting to feel like you were overdoing it with the endless adjectives and endlessadjectives. This is just from my perspective as a reader, and I'm not putting down you or your story, but I just think that if you do something clever too often or too much, it cheapens it. I know this is probably offensive coming from somebody who isn't smart enough to really understand what you're doing, but I don't mean it offensively, that's just how I felt reading it.

No, I agree with you. That's a good call, I'm going to work out a few of the overdone techniques. Still-listening is in there one too many times, for one.

Yeah, I worked out a few kinks. I especially had put in WAY too much about the curator and Vanessa. It doesn't matter how he found out, the point is that now he knows. I don't know why I felt such a strong need to explain it. Plus I gave the curator way too much description in the Vanessa paragraph. "Curator. Filth-ridden anti-ascetic. Reaper of those fool enough to trust him. Usurping lecher" really only needed "Usurping lecher."