Sorry to hear about all that bud! My grandad has also been fighting with cancer for a while. Can't really relate to the pissing blood thing, but my hemmoroids have been pretty bad here lately, so I can kind of sympathize with you in that area :o. I've also got a lot of issues stored away in my head that cause me to constantly be on an emotional rollercoaster. I'm always running into writers block. I'll be real creative for a while, and then it's almost like I've forgot how to play the guitar. I'm also bad about tensing up, and worrying too much when I'm under the pressure of recording, or playing for someone, which usually causes me to play pretty sloppy. You just have to try to relax, and put all the pressure out of your mind, and realize that the "undo" button is your friend :D. Too bad there's not an undo button for the real world though :(