Well, lets see sir Brendon, there are some cliche lines... but not enough to bother anyone. Sometimes the best way to say something is with a cliche.
i.e. "It looks a bit like rain today"
You use that cliche line and then turn it around with your own perspective of it (in the rest of verse making it interesting).

Also, your subject choice is good. Its not blatantly obvious what its about (atleast to me, but not in a bad way) I think the best songs are the ones you can't really tell what they are about all the time (for example a lot of Nirvana songs (trying to use an example you would know).

I think you might want to change cold and alone if you can think of anything else... its kind of a weak word choice. You were asking me for desolate words, why not use the word desolate (but that might mess up the way the song is working out in your head, I don't know).

Good work, write more (and for saying that i'm a hypocrit).