i am not really a fan of the sort of hushed voice, half sing half wisper thing, but some people seem to like it. what i will say is if you are gonna use it dont do it for the entire song because it becomes repetative. i would have liked to have heard you sing out, as if you werent scared that it would sound bad.
tune was a bit repetative cos it didnt really change or evolve with the song, and i felt neither the guitar nor vocals really drove the song on.
saying all that, the basis of the tune was good and i can hear a good voice ther, but you could have expanded on the tune more. like kept the rythm the same for a while then dramatically change it or add a few more notes in later.
if your voice is playing up there are certain things you can do to fix it.
1. do warm up exercises
2. eat less dairy as it produces mucus which is bad. drinking strong citric juices also helps.