I copied and pasted this from my myspace thing. I changed a few words as to not anger the swear-filter. Sorry if I missed any.

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Ok, in case you haven't heard, I got a job at a turkey farm. Or....turkey barn. Today was my first day. Let me explain what your first day on the turkey farm is like.

Task #1: Wake up at quarter to 5. In the morning.

Task #2: Saunter on over to the turkey barn. Undress, and have a remarkably cold shower. Towel off. Grab some farm-ish sweatpants and the like, which are sitting on two long metal grill-racks.Put them on. Don't be frightened. Apparently they're "clean."

Task #3: Head on in to the breakroom. Punch your time card (which has your name spelled wrong on it, hope that doesn't affect the receiving of money when cheque-getting time rolls around!) in. Put on some pint-sized rubber boots and a flimsy paper breathing filter. Start to get a little worried when everyone else suits up with high-tech gas masks that would render Nazi chlorine gas attacks harmless.

Task #4: Walk 50 feet (at the most). Change into full-sized rubber boots.

Task #5: Take note of how remarkably different the odour is at a distance of only 50 feet (at the most) from where you were mere seconds ago. Grimace.

Task #6: Go into the barn part. Stand in awe of the 9000 birds making horrible noises in perfect unison.

Task #7: Ok, down to work. Grab a basket. Walk down each of the aisles with it. Collect any eggs you see in the basket. Count them as you go. At the end of the aisles, there is a huge open area. Walk zig-zaggedly all around it, looking for eggs. Count these too. Count them separately from the others.

Task #8: Get out of the turkey area. Mark down how many eggs there are in your basket. Put aside any that are cracked, punctured, too big, too small, too dirty, or are just givin' you a dirty look. Scrape off all the eggs with a knife, to "clean" them. I guess the "cleanliness" of an egg has nothing to do with yoke, blood, or excrement that may be on it. Just feathers. Feathers and straw. Quite possibly the two cleanest things in the whole interlake area.

Task #9: When there are a bunch of eggs, load 'em onto a cart. When this cart is full, wheel it out of the barn area and into the egg-cleaning station. Don't forget to change boots! For God's sake, man, mind the boots! You'll be the death of us all!

Task #10: Repeat tasks 7-9 three times. No, wait. Seventeen times.

Task #11: After a few "breaks," go out (exhaustedly) and do tasks 7-9 a few more times. No, wait. Forty-one times. Seriously consider having a stroke just to get out of it.

Task #12: Go "clean" the water things. "Clean" them with dirty water collected from the water things themselves. This makes them "clean." If at any point you encounter a dead turkey, grab it by the feet and chuck it. Duh.

Task #13: Your work day is over. You don't have to work anymore. No go clean the other barn with a dirty, poo-covered shovel, or you're fired. Make sure you change your boots at least 5 times on the way to the other barn. You don't wanna make the turkeys sick!

Task #14: Clean the other barn. Collapse in an exhausted heap on some straw. Then walk back to the other barn, changing boots the mandatory 12,000 times.

Task #15: "Don't forget to punch out!" (x 1,000)

Task #16: Shower out. Finish showering, then realize you forgot to punch out. Sh*t.

Task #17: Sneak back into the breakroom wearing a towel. Go to punch out timecard, then realize you forget to punch back in after lunch break. So the last 3 hours of work never existed, in the eyes of the employer. Sonofagoddamnbitch. Punch it out anyway, hoping to explain the mistake.

Task #18: Leave breakroom. Change into clothes. Then get told that the patron saint of turkey farming (Uncle Gerry) punched out for you. Hallelujah.

The end.