Holly, it may be time to think very hard about your life style.

**** like this is not good or normal.

If you find that this is causing you to lose sleep, stress out etc, talking to some one professionally may be a good idea.

You may also be, at the least, a witness to murder (possibly up on accessory charges) which is also not a good position to be in.

I'd think very hard about how you are going to handle this if/when the law comes a knocking.

Also be careful about what you write on BBSs as police have been known to rummage through them. You are never as anonymous as you may think.