Originally Posted by: quickfingersi wrote this on a peice of paper and laughed myself silly. i kindof imagined it like the butthole surfers style of talking instead of singing, but slurring the words to keep it in time.

walking home from work, shes drinking diet coke
a guilty pleasure takes its toll, she stops to take a smoke
this night is just like every night, but something changes fast
a homeless man on esther street puts it in her ass

a slow night in reno, another gamblers won his fame
hes placed some bets in vegas, won a few dates with a dame
drove down to a motel 6 on the edge of town
a bullet hole in his temple was all the police found

well thats really it, but i thought it was funny that i thoguht of two compeltely unrelated thoughts at once.

It works ok as a novelty piece. Your cadence is a bit goofy, though...

I'm just not a big fan of novelty lyrics in general. Oh, also, fix this line:
"A bullet hole in his temple was all the police found"

I can think of 300 different ways to say this line, and only one of them sounds decent. I'd scrap it and go with a line that flows a bit better.