My mom had my elder brother (he's 11 years older) when she was 19. It was through some sort of unconsensual sexual act (no one ever talks about it, so I really don't know). As it often happens (at least in kenya anyway), single mothers sometimes have a hard time getting a husband, on account of their having a baby and so on.
I was born in 1979, and I don't know the man who fathered me. I lived with my mom and grand mom on and off until my mom died in 1995 (and since I can see I'm not the only one who's lost someone they loved, why is that isht so ****ing hard to reconcile??? I thought time was a healer? Sometimes it feels like she died [u]last week[/u] for chrissakes!! :mad: ). After she died, I was going through some of her papers and stuff and found some court affidavits dated around 1980 realting to her changing her name from a man's name (that would be my "dad", apparently they'd been married in some customary Kikuyu -my tribe- ceremony) back to her maiden name. Imagine finding out that your mom was once upon a time married after she's died. It's one of the zillion things that I'll never get to deal with her about.
In the course of her life, she had a coupla boyfriends. One was a fellow teacher who used to live with us on and off when I was about 5 -7. Nice dude and all, but it didn'y work out, they broke up and he later got married. He was my closest experience of a step dad. He wasn'r nasty or anything, but I remember this once when they had a fight and I came home for lunch^ and foud them fighting, it made me hate him, you know how it hurts when you're a kid and someone is hurting your mom. We are cool now though, we are on talking, laughing terms and all that. I think he kinda thinks to himself this could have been my son if things had worked out. He actually likes me.
Then there was the dude that eventually gave my mom what killed her (them three letters,HIV, although her death certificate claims it was pulmonary tuberculosis^^). He was a relatively famous politician, got into trouble with the President Daniel Arap Moi adminstrastion in the late 80's and early 90's for multi party activism. His family got assylum in Sweden, but he eventually came back to Kenya. He was our neighbour. Him and mom are from the same place upcounry^^^, so they knew each other from way back. I remember us going to some party held after he was released from detention when I was a little boy. I guess with his family in Sweden and my mom being single, they got together. They must have been very discreet about it, coz I never knew about it until much later, when things started making sense (for example, when I was taken to boarding high school^^^^ for the first time, he was scheduled to take me there but didn't for some reason, he used to give me pocket money every so often...). He died about two years after my mom.
That's my "stepdad" story.
Hey, I guess I have that whole "broken family" artist profile thing going, huh?
^In Kenyan primary schools (thats grade school or elemntary fro you), we used to go home for lunch, then go back to school fro afternoon classes. School "outed" at 4 PM.
^^I get to see the doctor who wa treating her when she died. He's the one who signed her death certificate. It freaks me out. I once tried to talk to him, to see if he remembered her. Of course he didn't. Doctors see people dying every day.
^^^ I guess this upcountry thing is something unique in Africa, although I see it in America nad elsewhere too. You see, about 80% of Africa's population lives in rural areas, so everyone has their "real" home somewhere in the Bundus. Like if we live in Nairobi and I die, I won't be buried in some cemetery, most likey I'll be taken to our rual home, which is where most people consider real, "birth right" home. My mom and the dude in question were from the same "ancestral home" area. They went to the same primary school. In Kenya, your upcounty home has a name. It's called Shagz. Now, Shagz is a corruption of some term used to refer to the lockup villages that the colonial govt. set up back in the day to concentrate natives. These villages were upcountry, hence the use of the word. By the way, if you can, and are interested in the history of colonial Africa, get yourself a copy of "The British Gulag", a heart-rending account of the actions of the British Govt. in Kenya. As always, approach anyting written by historians with a degree of cynism/pessimism. ;)
^^^^ The norm in Kenya used to be that primary schools were day schools, and high schools were boarding schools. As it happens, theres quite a few boarding primary schools and day school high schools, but the former would be what is/was standard practice, so much so that going to boarding high school is some sort of milestone. Now, one is normally required to bring a lot of stuff to school when joining, hence the need "to be taken" to high school.