tell me why i can't be seen
tell me how it burns within

in a seaside town
where noone's around

i find thee

down st. kilda road it's grim at night
where people places all begin

pretty people passin through
a lacklustre you, when

i found thee

egg shaped sunnies bring
sparks to my eyes

ding dong goes the tramlines
where suited men and women
they both love and smite

what happened to the old you

now get a job you silly man
beg no more , no more again

now curse the busker
he sings far too merrily

i found thee

the golden people walk away
their separate paths

it makes me mad
oh why oh why did

i find thee

cheers
josh


just jotted these down..its gonna be sung in blues fashion i think..just gotta find a riff tomorrow

let me know what u guys think

__________________
grooviest tunes ever

I can dig it. Let me know when you record it.

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"How wondrous familar is a fool!"
Ahab
www.soundclick.com/msholly

ding dong goes the tramlines
where suited men and women
they both love and smite

now get a job you silly man
beg no more , no more again

the golden people walk away
their separate paths

it makes me mad
oh why oh why did

I really like these lines, but I think I would make a few changes, such as:

ding dong goes the tramlines
where the suited maniquins
play their games ...... "Or something or other"

now get a job you silly man
beg no more, no more again " I really like this line, I wouldn't mine using that line"

the golden people walk their separate ways "Don't know I would call them golden people, but it's your song"

it drives me mad
oh why oh why did "The word drives has much more punch than makes. Don't you think?"

I really like some of your ideas. Some of your stuff seems a little to dark, yet some is very enlightening.

I haven't had the time to do anymore with "Ice Dream", but I haven't forgot about it. I really liked the topic and idea behind it.

Keep up the good work. Work on rythme.
What kind of music are you playing?

I would like to see more of your work.

cheers songman! i do mostly folky stuff..i kinda think my voice is quite iron and wine-ish..somewhat monotone cos i cant seem to go too high or too low...but it slowly developed into a style..but mainly acoustic..ive been dabbling abit more with instrumental stuff lately though..i have no discipline when it comes to singing so sometimes i just dont bother working on my songwriting..but im sure ill be posting more anyway..cos im an impulsive hypocrite

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grooviest tunes ever

[QUOTE=Songman]

it drives me mad
oh why oh why did "The word drives has much more punch than makes. Don't you think?"

QUOTE]


I don't know if I agree with that. I mean both are pretty cliche when used with one connotation or the other. I think is connotation fo mad is "crazy'' though. I'm not sure though, that'd be just my guess of knowing a bit about the Jeffmonster and what he reads. So in which case if he means "crazy" it make me mad, is better than drives me mad which would translate into "it drives me crazy" which is waaaay to cliche of a phrasing.

That is just my opinion though. I've been wrong a many many of a time.

__________________
"How wondrous familar is a fool!"
Ahab
www.soundclick.com/msholly

i like it alot, its purty stinkin awesome, i envy your songwriting abilities

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No snowflake in an avalanche ever feels responsible.

What's nice about writing. One can interpet the lines as they see it. I took the word "Mad" as insane. He wasn't merely angry with the situtation, he was insane as the murder in the "Tell Tale Heart".

Behold:

TRUE! --nervous --very, very dreadfully nervous I had been and am; but why will you say that I am mad? The disease had sharpened my senses --not destroyed --not dulled them. Above all was the sense of hearing acute. I heard all things in the heaven and in the earth. I heard many things in hell. How, then, am I mad? Hearken! and observe how healthily --how calmly I can tell you the whole story.

Words have meanings. This is mad!